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COLLAB: Kuroella

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In some strange perverse mind of three fangirls, this crack was born (I almost typed porn). Please don't ask. Please go WTF???? We do not own Sebastian, or Ciel, or Undertaker, or Grell, or Hannah, or Alois, or Claude. We sure as hell do wish we did though. Between Ciel and the three of us, Sebastian would never be sexually frustrated. Kekeke We apologize in advance for the MASSIVE amounts of OOC in this. Soon to have yaoi and smut <3


Once upon a time there was a household in London named Trancy. Now this household is not exactly what you may have heard it to be. The Mistress of the house was a lady by the name of Hannah and she had two sons, Alois and Claude. Alois was a spoiled little brat and the younger of the two brothers. Claude, despite being the oldest, always followed what Alois told him to do. Alois also had a peculiar habit of constantly wearing dresses instead of men's clothing. And his mother did nothing but encourage the behavior.

The Mistress had taken over when the previous Earl Trancy had died. Now she lived in the lap of luxury with her two sons. For the three of them, their days were spent for the most part, torturing the other resident in the mansion, a handsome man by the name of Sebastian Michaelis. Despite the fact that he was indeed the rightful heir to the Trancy household, he was reduced to nothing more than a mere butler. His days were filled with cleaning, cooking, dealing with the three idiot servants, and catering to the whims of Hannah and her two brats.

It's not like there was nothing else Sebastian could be used for. He was indeed a handsome man. If allowed, a potential fiancé of high rank could have been easily found for him. With his alluring dark blood red eyes, his raven black hair that framed his long pale face, his tall figure and hypnotizing voice, anyone would have wished to be his wife. But for some reason that was unfathomable to the rest of society, he was forced into the role of butler. And it seemed that until the day he died, that is what he would be. Little did the Trancy household know, fate had other ideas.


"Bard… what have I told you about using explosives in the kitchen?" Piercing red eyes glared at the blond American who was currently covered in black.

"Err… not to... um… use it…" Bard looked sheepishly to the side while inhaling a bit from his cigarette.

Sebastian closed his eyes and rested the tips of his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose, a sign that he was very annoyed.

"Then care to- "

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!!" A scream and then a crash from the dining hall caught there attention, cutting off Sebastian's question.

Sebastian gave Bard a glare stating that he will deal with the useless cook later. He rushed to the dining hall to see it covered in shards of porcelain. In the middle of the mess sat a red headed maid with her glasses cracked and sitting crookedly on her face. Sebastian sighed and glared down at the helpless maid.

"Maylene…."

"I-I'm s-sorry! I got t-too ma-many!" The maid stammered her apology as she scrambled to get to her feet, only to trip on her shoelace, sending herself tumbling back down to the ground.

Sebastian moved to help her up when he heard the sound of a bell ringing. He groaned on the inside. He did not need anymore to do today. What on earth could the mistress or masters be wanting?

"Clean this up promptly, Maylene."

Maylene nodded and scrambled back to her feet, hurrying off to get a broom and dustpan. Sebastian returned to the kitchen to see which bell was ringing. Sebastian gave an internal shudder when he saw it was Alois' bedroom. He slipped into his butler coat and left the kitchen, heading towards the bedroom. He knocked on the door, announcing his presence.

"Young Master."

"Sebastian!! Come in! I wanna show you something!!"

Sebastian slipped into the room. He felt himself rocked off his balance for a little bit when a small bundle of blond hair suddenly latched onto him. He looked down at Alois with disdain and pried himself from the young boy's grasp. He stared in surprise when he saw what he was wearing.

"Young Master, what are you wearing?"

Alois grinned and did a turn.

"Ole! What do you think?"

Sebastian looked at the scene with distaste. Once again, Alois was wearing a dress. This time it was a blue maid's dress. He resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose when he realized Alois was also wearing fake boobs.

"Young Master, please take this off before your mother sees."

"NO!"

The boy danced around the room, giggling.

"This is so much more comfortable to wear!"

Alois continued to giggle until the door re-opened and Claude walked in. His amber eyes glared at Sebastian as he walked towards Alois.

"Alois, what are you wearing?"

"Isnt it cute?"

"Yes it is, but-."

"Good! Because I got you something too!"

Alois picked up a pink dress off the bed and put up on Claude's shoulder.

"You should wear this!" He said giggling.

"If you do not need me, Young Master, then may I leave to continue preparations for dinner?"

"But I'm not finished with your company, Sebastian!"

Sebastian sighed with frustration as he remained trapped in the room with the annoying blond.

XXX

Now across the river, just a couple hours away from the Trancy Household stood the Household of Phantomhive. Phantomhive was a very well known and well to do household with a son, Ciel Phantomhive. Ciel was the talk of the town. His captivating blue eyes, the smirk that was always on his face, his intelligence; all the girls dreamed of him. The only thing was that Ciel never seemed to show any interest in them. One day, Ciel was sitting in the study with his father when his father proposed a plan.

"Ciel! You are 13! And you STILL don't have a cute fiancé, desu~!"

Ciel looked up with annoyance at Grell, his father. Ciel considered Grell to be more of a mother since ever since his mother died, Grell had taken to acting so feminine it disgusted Ciel.

"I've told you before, I am not interested in the prospect of marriage."

"Buuuut Ciiieell~!" The red head began to gush nonsense about the beauty of marriage and finding 'the one'. Ciel closed his book and stood up.

"I believe I shall go elsewhere to read."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Grell jumped up on his desk to chase after the boy.

"I have something I want to tell you!"

"WHAT?" Ciel felt his patience running thing.

"There will be a ball. Held tonight. At the mansion."

Ciel raised an eyebrow. "And what does this have to do with me?"

"Its your engagement party~!"

Ciel glared daggers at the flamboyant man.

"What?"

"No getting out it, now! You must find a young lady or man to become engaged to!"

Ciel felted his patience snap at that.

"You arranged an engagement party, without me knowing, FOR ME?"

Grell pouted. "But I thought Ciel would be happy with daddy for doing so~!"

Ciel pressed two fingers to his forehead. He felt a headache coming.

"Ugh… fine… whatever. But you don't get to pick for me. I pick. And you have to be happy with whatever I pick."

Grell lept off the desk and picked up Ciel, hugging him tightly. "Oh~! You wont regret this~!" Then proceeded to kiss Ciel's forehead. Ciel grimaced as he felt the remainders of red lipstick on his forehead. Saying he wasn't looking forward to tonight was an understatement.

XXX

Sebastian stood to side of the study while the Mistress of the Household opened a letter. The seal on the back of it stated it was from the Household of Phantomhive. Sebastian couldn't help but feel some form of curiosity. The Phantomhive household never called on the Trancy household.

Hanna smiled as she finished reading it.

"Sebastian, please go fetch the boys. I have wonderful news."

Sebastian bowed and turned to leave. As he opened the door, a foul mixture assaulted his person. He looked down at his ruined clothes with disdain, ignoring the smell. He looked up to see Alois doubled over in laughter.

"He fell for it, Claude! I told you he would!"

Claude adjusted his glasses and looked down at Alois.

"Well of course he would, you assaulted him when he was walking out the door."

Alois stopped laughing to glare at Claude. "Spoil sport."

Sebastian sighed and looked at the two.

"Your mother has requested your appearance."

Alois ran passed Sebastian. "I wonder what she wants."

Sebastian sighed and followed the two into the room, only to be glared at by Hanna.

"Sebastian, what is that appalling smell?"

"My apologies, my lady. There was a spill."

Hanna covered her nose.

"Well go clean yourself up! I have no need of you in this condition!"

Sebastian nodded and left the room to take a bath. Just as he closed the door, he heard Alois giggling to Claude about something. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, not sure what to think of that. He proceeded to the servant quarters to take a shower.

XXX

Sebastian stood partially naked in his room, the only covering he had was a towel around his waist. His hair was still slightly damp from being towel dried and stuck up, pointing in random directions, like he had bed hair. Occasionally a water drop would fall from his hair and land on his shoulder, dripping down his sculpted chest and disappearing into the towel. He glared at his closet. It was bare, except for one outfit, and he sure as hell was not going to put it on. A giggling from outside his room told him who the culprit was. He opened his door and glared at Alois.

"EWWW Sebastian! Its inappropriate for a butler to show himself like that to a member of the family he serves!" The boy called mockingly.

"Well it is also inappropriate for one to steal another's clothes." Sebastian sneered. He was so fed up now.

Alois got a serious look on his face.

"Get dressed. That's an order."

Sebastian had a stare off with Alois. He sighed and turned back into the room, closing the door. He couldn't disobey an order. He growled to himself as he put the outfit on. When he finished Alois came in to look at his completed prank. The blond almost doubled over at what he saw. First off, Sebastian had bunny ears on his head. Then a white collar with a red ribbon that was held in place with a heart pin. On his arms he wore white gloves that went up past his elbows. The main part of the outfit was a black leotard with a white bunny tail attached. The leotard had no straps and curved up to cover his nipples. Obviously, it was something a woman was supposed to wear. As if to add insult to injury (and make Alois laugh harder) his legs were covered with fishnet stockings and instead of dress flats, he wore strappy hooker heels.

Alois was on the floor, despite the anger that was choking the room.

"Oh! Hahahaha! My sides… HAAHAA… You look! Ooooooh hahaha!!" Alois kicked the floor and tried to pick himself up only to collapse back on the floor in a heap of giggles. Sebastian looked up as another presence entered the room. Claude stared in shock at Sebastian.

"oh.. um…" Claude stared speechless.

"Does-doesn't-… haha!! He look—oh my sides—GREAT?" Alois managed to choke out through his hysterical laughter.

Claude averted his eyes as he felt the anger in the room get thicker.

"Alois, we need to get ready for the ball. Tonight is the best chance we have to get close to Ciel if you still wish to obtain him."

Sebastian looked at the two, his interest now peaked.

"Ciel? As in Ciel Phantomhive?"

Alois managed to compose himself and sat on the floor, a smirk on his face.

"Of course! We have been invited to a ball. Apparently the boy is getting engaged and is hosting an engagement ball to find his fiancé. I have always wanted Ciel for my own! This is the perfect opportunity to get him!"

Alois picked himself up and turned to Claude.

"Come on! I must pick out my dress and find one for you."

"Alois, must I wear a dress?"

"YES!"

Sebastian watched the two leave. He remembered seeing Ciel one time with his butler in town. He was definitely an attractive soul. That shiny brilliant blue eye of his that looked with disdain on the world and the way he held his head high with pride. Sebastian felt his blood stir as he thought about the boy. An idea formed in his mind and he smirked. He looked down at his apparel and sighed. He couldn't go to the ball this way. He could always take something of Claude's but shuddered at the thought. Nothing Claude wore would look good on him anyways.

"Kekeke! Looks like you are in quite the situation."

Sebastian turned around quickly to see a man with long white hair, a black bent top hat, black robes, and creepily long black fingernails sitting on his windowsill. The man grew still suddenly when Sebastian turned around, then promptly fell on the floor from laughter.

"Kekeke! Oh! Oh my! Kekeke!"

Sebastian glared with fury at the man. Who the hell was he? The strange man looked up at Sebastian, a bit of drool connecting his mouth to the floor.

"Oh dear… I haven't had a good laugh like that in a while. Since you could give me quite the laugh, I've decided to help you."

He sat back on the windowsill still giggling to himself. Sebastian looked at the absurd man.

"Who are you?"

"I am your fairy godmother! But you can call me Undertaker."

"And exactly how can you help me, Undertaker?"

"Well, you certainly," the Undertaker began to laugh again, " can't go to a ball like THAT. Although that would give me another good laugh."

Sebastian felt his patience run thin.

"Just help me."

Undertaker tilted his head to the side. "Well, since you asked so nicely…"

The undertaker pulled out a jar and pulled out a bone cookie.

"Now… what should you wear…"

He stared at Sebastian for a bit, but since his eyes were closed, Sebastian thought his mind went elsewhere.

"Undertaker..." He growled dangerously.

"Oh! I know!"

He hopped off the windowsill and skipped towards Sebastian.

"Bibbity boppity boo!" The strange man waved his hand and Sebastian looked down with shock as his clothes were changed into those of an Earl. A pure white shirt glistened from under the midnight blue velvet coat that hugged his frame very elegantly. Buttons fashioned like roses held the coat in place around his middle. The inside was lined with a dark blood red color that matched his eyes and on his head was a top hat that had a ribbon matching the lining of his coat. Crisp black pants encased his legs and shoes polished so thoroughly you could see your reflection in them. Sebastian critiqued his look in the mirror. He looked the earl he was supposed to be. He smirked and tilted his head to the side. Neither Claude nor Alois would be able to pull off the elegant and noble look that Sebastian held. His eyes gleamed with delight as he chuckled and turned to Undertaker.

"You have my thanks. But we have a problem with transportation. We only have one carriage and the lady and her brats took it."

Undertaker chuckled and pranced out of the room.

"Follow me! Follow me! Kekeke!"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow and followed the strange man out. Along the way, the man picked up two mice and pet them as he continued to skip outside. Once outside, he set the mice down and muttered that same strange spell, turning them into two black-as-night stallions of the finest breed. Undertaker then proceeded to lead them to a coffin that was strangly laying in the middle of the road. Sebastian stared at it and then at the man.

"What-?"

"Bibbity Boppity Boo!" The strange man chanted again. The coffin shuddered and then suddenly transformed into a black stagecoach with silver lines of elegant patterns. The Undertaker opened the door to the carriage and giggled.

"In you go Earl~!"

Sebastian stepped into it.

"Who will drive?"

"I shall!"

Sebastian suddenly felt a little fearful for his life at the thought of the eccentric man driving. The Undertaker almost closed the door then suddenly whipped it open and looked at Sebastian.

"Oh! By the way! This all only lasts until midnight. Make sure you achieve your objective by then. Then you will go back to being a butler. Don't worry, I won't let you change into the silly outfit you were in earlier. You'll be in your normal butler attire."

Sebastian mentally calculated in his head and smirked. Midnight was plenty of time.

"That is fine. Take me to the Phantomhive Mansion."

Undertaker giggled and then closed the door. All that was heard was his strange Kekeke and a word of urging to the horses and the carriage took off. Sebastian settled back in the comfy seat, going over his plan in his mind.

Alois and Claude were about to find out who was superior.
This is part one of an extremely mindblowingly crazy fanfic. All credit of thinking up this bizarre scenario goes to :icontokyosquid: (who will be doing the next part). Btw, this is what happens when a certain someone gets no sleep. >>; *cough*Lauren*cough*



Credit for Sebastian's insane playboy bunny outfit goes to :iconmadeleine-elizabeth: and this: [link]

Everytime i tried to think of somethign that would make Undertaker laugh his ass off, this is what popped in my brain. Take it as a tribute of my love for her amazing work.



Thank you to anyone who actually made it through this without their brains dying. =D



And yes, my non-existent balls fell off when i typed "Bibbity Boppity Boo"



This is a collab between myself, :icontokyosquid: and :iconmarsinsane:



I'mma go back to working on Model Lover now...

NEXT PART: [link]
LAST PART: [link]
© 2010 - 2024 Yuuki-Ravna
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lizziemilford1101's avatar
Grell as Ciel's father?! :o pewdiepie gasp